From The Center for Suicide Awareness
Healthline
By Renee Kasuboski For some, I might come off as too honest or too raw—but that honesty has been the bridge between my pain and someone else’s healing. I don’t share for attention. I share because I know the cost of silence, and I want others to know they are not alone. I spent 14 years in a marriage with a narcissistic sociopath. The last five years of it, I was slipping deeper into a dark mental space—a void so deep it blocked out all emotion, all reason, and all connection to reality. It was as if my soul had been paralyzed. In those moments, nothing mattered—not my kids, not my family, not even my own life. That terrifying void convinced me that I didn’t want to be here anymore. And yet… something in me kept fighting. Sometimes it was the fear of what would happen if I failed. Sometimes it was a voice in my head from long ago, yelling, “Don’t you DARE give up. Don’t you DARE quit on me.” That voice helped me claw my way up, covered in emotional mud, exhausted and broken—but still climbing. There were nights I drove home from work on quiet country roads, death whispering in every thought. I felt numb. I remember considering just letting go of the wheel and ending it. I tried to pray it away. Tried to logic it away. Nothing worked. When I told my then-husband—who was a preacher—what I was going through, his response was: “Stop being stupid.” After that, he banned me from church, from seeing friends, and nearly from going to work. He’d switch off the radio if I found a preacher that gave me hope and put on someone who screamed about obedience and hell. Or having the children gather around the table with everyone's Bible open, he read the passage about Judas betraying Jesus and then went around the table and told the children to 1 by 1 "tell mom what you don't like about her". I remember one day, after being screamed at, we went to the YMCA with our six kids. He wanted a happy family moment. I sat on the edge of the pool—frozen. I wasn’t there. Almost catatonic. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t pretend. I started off in the distance looking at nothing at all. He yelled at me again for not being happy and supporting him and the children. I walked in the door the days I worked, wondering what I could have possibly done wrong today. After I finally left him, I’d come home from work and lie in the dark, my dog Sam laying on top of me, trying to keep me grounded. I’d be frozen again—mute, paralyzed, unable to move or even hum. Other nights were tears and feeling completely empty, even eating or having an appetite was a challenge. Yes, I’ve been there. I understand why people end their lives. I understand the daily war. I carry horrific memories—including rape—that still echo sometimes and plagues my thoughts. It’s been 11 years since I left. And yes, he still tries to mess with my head. But here’s what else is true: I am nowhere near the person I used to be. Do I still have moments of struggle? Absolutely. But I have more wins now. More joy. More days where I feel whole. Every year brings more healing. Every day is another shot at life, another shot to break out of the shell. I’m here today because every attempt—by him or by me—failed. And I’m grateful. I don't feel sorry for myself, I think of it as an opportunity to help others in the same situation and try to give them skills to dig out of their holes of despair. If you're reading this and you're in that dark place, please hear me: you are not alone. You are not broken. You are not beyond hope. There is another side to this pain, and it is worth fighting for. And if you're still climbing—I’m here. I see you. I believe in you. Please don’t give up. Text the HOPELINE™ at 741741 if you're struggling and need someone to chat with. Sometimes it's easier to text vs talk.
Mental Health America
The dictionary defines “hopeless” as “having no expectation of good or success,” but if you’re feeling hopeless, it can be hard to define and even harder to overcome. You should know that your feelings are valid. Life throws us many challenges, and it’s normal to feel down sometimes. We’ve been there, too, which is why we wrote this article.
We know the hazards of spending too much time in the sun—like skin cancer, sunburns, and premature aging—there are also many benefits of sun exposure.
From bone and immune health to depression and schizophrenia. The sun offers powerful restorative, protective, and healing effects.
Those warm, yellow rays help the body make vitamin D, an essential nutrient the body needs to function properly, and the body can't absorb or process calcium without it.
Vitamin D is essential for bone, heart, lung, dental, immune, nerve, and muscular health, as well as for optimal mental health. Deficiencies in vitamin D (and calcium) can cause serious conditions.
Also, those with lower levels of vitamin D may be at higher risk of a range of diseases such as cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, schizophrenia, and depression.
Strong connections have been found between deficiencies in vitamin D and the risk of various mental health disorders including, depression, schizophrenia, and eating disorders.
If you are heading out into the sun, make sure you protect yourself with sunscreen as many medications may cause you photosensitivity. Wear protective clothing also like a hat if you have it available.
We ask ourselves questions with no answer in sight
But if you just keep going forward then you might
Find the solution to the problem at hand
Find a person to understand
The pain you may feel as you are not alone
Sometimes we wish we could pick up the phone
Call a person who support we could apply
In our lives so we no longer cry
The answer to the problem could be closer than you know
There is often peer support anywhere you go
They may not have a degree or a name tag on their shirt
But it does not take education to know what it means to hurt
So keep your eyes wide open and change will arrive
It will help you remember why it is good to be alive!
Written by:
Jonathan Winfield
Dedicated to:
People in a pain. Despite the upbeat message I might express in this I feel quite down in my life probably more times than I feel up. Even with that said I know it is not a lifelong feeling and I WILL find what it means to be happy and in content with ones self. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, however it will always be worth living just to see that day! To all those depressed like myself, STAY STRONG!
To help one another not feel blue
Some people just need to chat
Others are not okay with that
Although it's the last thing you should do
Some remain quiet and always feel blue
Because in their mind they just cannot believe
They can find help so instead they grieve
They just go on day after day
Suffering in every possible way
What they don't realize we all need aid
And the stand in the background with progress delayed
They just have lived in constant fear
That nobody else could possibly care
They are lost in this cycle of constant doubt
And they lose sight of what life is really about
So help one another feel they are needed
When they feel better you know you've succeeded
To make it so that a person can feel
That it's actually possible for them to heal
They can heal and clear their mind
To leave all grief and pain behind
Written by:
Jonathan Winfield
Better Sleep Can Help!
Why is it important to practice good sleep hygiene?
Sleep hygiene is important for everyone, from childhood through adulthood. A good sleep hygiene routine promotes healthy sleep and daytime alertness. Good sleep hygiene practices can prevent the development of sleep problems and disorders.
Personal Sleep Hygiene:
Avoid stimulants, especially caffeine, at least 6 hours before sleep
Do not exercise 3 hours before sleep
Avoid eating large meal before sleep
Set a regular routine before going to bed.
Avoid sleeping during daytime.
Take analgesics (Tylenol) if pain is a problem.
Do not watch TV late into the night.
Arguments/Fights before sleep will interfere with your sleep.
Use sleeping medications as prescribed.
*These are personal habit to improve your chances of better sleep and may need to be combined with other measures*