“I Wish I Was, Who I Used to Be”

Veterans.
First responders.
Survivors of abuse and trauma.
Those who have battled cancer, chronic illness, devastating accidents, or unimaginable loss.

 

Many people who have endured life-changing experiences eventually say the same thing:

“I wish I was who I used to be.”

“I miss the person I was before all of this happened.”

 

It’s a deeply human response to pain.

• Trauma changes people.
• Grief changes people.
• Life changes people.

 

The truth is, very few of us remain exactly who we once were — and perhaps we were never meant to.

Every experience we go through shapes us in some way. The difficult moments, the painful seasons, the heartbreak, the healing, the growth, the survival. Over time, they all become part of our story. The person we were years ago may no longer exist in the same way today, and that realization can feel overwhelming, even heartbreaking at times.

But change does not automatically mean failure.

 

• Sometimes, we become more compassionate because of what we endured.
• Sometimes we become stronger.
• Sometimes we become more aware of the struggles others carry silently.
• Sometimes we learn how resilient we truly are.

 

That doesn’t make the pain okay.
It doesn’t erase the trauma.
It doesn’t mean the losses didn’t matter.

 

But it does mean our story is still being written.

And if we don’t like where we are today, we do not have to stay there forever.

 

Healing takes work.
Growth takes work.
Learning healthier coping skills takes work.
Building a meaningful life after trauma takes work.

Almost everything worthwhile in life does.

 

There are days when survival itself feels exhausting. Days where the weight of memories, anxiety, grief, or emotional pain feels heavier than words can explain. In those moments, it is easy to focus only on everything that has been lost.

But perhaps healing begins when we stop trying so hard to “go backward” and instead learn how to move forward from where we are now.

 

Not from perfection.
Not from pretending we’re okay.
But from honesty, self-awareness, and compassion for ourselves.

 

At the Center for Suicide Awareness, we often talk about resilience and “Hunting the Good” — intentionally looking for moments of light even during dark seasons. This does not mean ignoring pain or pretending struggles do not exist. It means recognizing that even in difficult moments, small things still matter.

 

• A meaningful conversation.
• A quiet morning.
• A laugh you didn’t expect.
• Music that helps calm your mind.
• A supportive friend.
• A moment of peace after chaos.
• A reminder that you are still here.

 

Sometimes those small moments are what carry us through.

And often, the experiences we wish had never happened become the very experiences that allow us to help someone else feel seen, understood, and less alone.

 

Your story matters.
Your experiences matter.
Your survival matters.

You may not be who you used to be.

But that does not mean you are broken beyond repair.

It may simply mean you are still growing, still healing, and still becoming.

 

If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available.

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